CBS Picks Fight with Chuck Norris
You read the headline correctly. Now the real question is: Is CBS headquartered somewhere in deep dark central Florida headed by a bunch of gator-eyed moonshine-crazed mouth-breathin' antacid chewing swamp attorneys who've been knocked around in one too many hurricanes?
Who is deranged enough in the dubious cranial depths at The Tiffany Network to pick a fight with Chuck Norris over his rightfully earned and painfully overdue income?
Now we finally understand the origin of the heritage of CBS' classic money-grubbing sit-com banker tv characters like Mr. Mooney and Mr. Drysdale. It was art imitating life. Now the network has tried to real-life scam Chuck Norris like Phil Silvers conning Uncle Jed into buying the Brooklyn Bridge.
Who in that glassy upper stratosphere floor boardroom figured they could get away with manipulating various modern digital channels of distribution, exhibition, and promotion to decrease the Benjie's filling Chuck's deserving wallet without eventually having to face him?
Or as we'd say down here: "Which one o' y'all bigwig thirty-something programming geniuses want to be closest to the conference room door when Chuck kicks it in?"
We don't have to reprint a string of Chuck Norris badass jokes for you here to remind CBS of who they're dealing with - those jokes have a basis in Truth. Chuck Norris does not do push-ups, the earth, in fact, does move away from him.
CBS is trying to finagle and pick-pocket income from a near 80-year-old who's so badass he invented his own study of martial arts Chun Kuk Do. That's way beyond the plebian breaking a 2 by 4 in two with a bare hand as a confidence builder, which is as far as I got as a youngster in judo. (the recent cold weather has brought stabs of reminder pain to that right pinky finger that snapped in unison along with the wood that afternoon)
Chuck Norris, by the way actually died twenty years ago, Death just hasn't built up the courage to tell him yet.
It seems back in 1993 CBS agreed to give Chuck 23% of the "Walker, Texas Ranger" show. At that time, the expectation was the show would earn money on cable tv in syndication after its popular first-run broadcast days were eventually over, as the broadcast technology existed then and was expected to continue to exist and all would profit in perpetuity. Re-runs ad-infinitum on cable tv.
Think in 1993 we had cable tv, AM and FM radio, cassette tapes a few DVD's and microwave ovens and that was the extent of modern technology in most homes. Fact of business is in 1993 I still had an 8-track tape player under the dash in my '78 K5 Blazer.
Chuck Norris doesn't check under his bed for monsters, monsters check on top of the bed to see if Chuck Norris is sleeping.
In Chuck's suit against CBS and SONY, he alleges the global media giants conspired to promote the show in the modern, digital age as an 'on demand' product and less on television and DVD's. Norris claims he hasn't seen a dime since 2004.
Without a regularly scheduled broadcast of the program, Norris' profits are reduced to a trickle. The regular broadcast also spurs DVD sales.
So Chuck Norris' company Top Kick Productions according to TMZ, is suing for breach of contract and shady dealing. Now CBS has Chuck Norris out there, waiting and watching.
Chuck figures thirty million ought to square things up and that seems more than reasonable to me and should be paid out toot suite s'il vous plait.
There used to be a street named after Chuck Norris, but it was changed because nobody crosses Chuck Norris and lives.