Anyone with children knows that your child's birthday is an exciting time. You also know that it requires throwing a party to commemorate their birth. Unfortunately, throwing a child's birthday party is one of the most obnoxious, annoying and difficult things on Earth.


Let's just start at the beginning: you have to have a theme for this party. Should you take your child's suggestion, or should you use your adult brain to come up with something that will be easier to do and more cost efficient? You have to weigh this out. Will listening to your child lose their mind because they didn't get their way outweigh you saving a buck and some time? My guess is no. You will do what makes your child happy because you're a mom and THAT'S WHAT WE DO. Now you have to spend 45 hours making hand made crafts for your child's Barbie/Minecraft mashup party. You will be scouring Pinterest for favor ideas and spending every penny you make for the next month. Prepare yourself.

Now that we have a theme, we move on to location. Do I spend $4,052 and take the kids somewhere, or do I spend a week cleaning my house to let these sticky-fingered little buggers destroy everything? If you're on a budget like me, you let these kids wreak havoc on your home. Bye bye nice things, it was nice knowing you.

Now we move on to cake. Your child only likes chocolate cake, but you want to please everyone so you get half chocolate cake and half white. You ask the store to make the design you have in mind, but they tell you it isn't in the catalog so they can't make it. You then have to make the decision to try and slap it all together yourself after they make the base for you. You ask for half whip cream icing and half butter cream, and then they tell you they cannot place the cupcakes in the same container because they can't put an allergy sticker on a box with both. OH NO, YOU FORGOT LITTLE BILLY HAS A PEANUT ALLERGY. Do cupcakes have peanuts in them? Why can't little Billy bring his own sweets with him when he goes places? Can we just take back our invitation from Billy's mom? No, so now we have to buy gluten free, sugar free, peanut free cupcake options for the allergy kid or you'll have to bust out the EpiPen. Not on my watch, Billy. Not today.

Now that you've spent every last dime you have, you have to buy your child a present. You may or may not need to sell a kidney at this point, but you as a mother will get what your child wants because IT'S WHAT WE DO. You know it and I know it. You now have to search the internet to find the very specific request they've made and pray it gets to you in time for the party.

Rich Legg

You've done all this work, spent large amounts of money and countless hours of labor and it's not even over yet. You now have to actually have the party. The things you've done so far weren't even the hard part. You now have to entertain people and smile for hours on end. You have to simultaneously watch 20 children, direct activities, serve food and pretend that this all fell together with ease. You will do all of this for 3 hours, then everyone will trickle out and it will continue to get more quiet. Finally, your home will be empty and your child will be fast asleep with new toys scattered around them and you'll be FREE. You will now sit and tell yourself that you will get started on all of this much earlier for their next birthday, but you won't. You will say you will tone it down next year, but you won't. You will say you will do what you want to do and not what your child requests next year, but you won't. You will do what you always do: listen to your child and do your best to make them happy, because THAT'S WHAT WE DO.