"Here, hold my beer and watch this" is the punchline to many jokes but when it comes to sex, if you're a middle-aged man, you'd better stick with the basics.

A new report from a London osteopathic clinic indicates that some 80% of non-sporting injuries being treated these days are a result of so-called "adventurous sex." According to Stephen Makinde in The Daily Mirror, the number of sex-related injuries in the past five years has quadrupled, and most of the patients are men in their mid-fifties. Injuries range from neck and wrist injuries, to ankle sprains and hernias.

Perhaps these injuries have always existed, but most people have been reluctant to indicate how they really got hurt. Maybe they told the doctor they tripped over an object and twisted their ankle, rather than admit to nekkid gymnastics.

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And, in accordance with another familiar riff, slippery when wet, many of these accidents happen while attempting sex in the shower or tub.

The bottom line is: if you're basically a middle-aged couch potato, before you end up bashfully explaining what happened or even outright lying to the emergency room doc about your Weinsteinlike antics, maybe second think having someone holding your beer. Just having pizza in bed is probably the better choice.